your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
