On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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