Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize