so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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