Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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