my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
