then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
