I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he puts the penis in happiness.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
