Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
