Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
