His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the day after is always just damage control
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
