My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
