i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
