At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
