So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
