Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize