Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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