Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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