OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
