guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
