please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
