and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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