Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
