What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
