I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
