no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
