It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize