how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
