Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize