then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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