I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize