just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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