she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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