well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
