i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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