john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry my hands just texted you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
