Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
