We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
