Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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