I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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