You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
