it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
