My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
