Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
