Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
