Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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