I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
