Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
thus making me awesome and them whores
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
