My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
