It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
false alarm, still single
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