I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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