I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
