You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
