he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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