Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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