My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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