I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
