She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
