i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
