Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
