I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
