I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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