I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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