Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize