Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
