Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
