Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
