dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
