Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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