Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I could make wine with my vomit
My balls are so social today.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
