It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
