He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
